What is IFS Therapy?
Understanding Your Inner World: An Introduction to Internal Family Systems (IFS)
If you have ever felt like you are at war with yourself—perhaps one side of you desperately wants to make a change, while another side digs its heels in and sabotages your efforts—you already know what it feels like to have inner "parts."
Traditional therapy often treats our thoughts and behaviors as problems to be fixed or eliminated. Internal Family Systems (IFS) takes a completely different approach. Developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz, IFS is rooted in the idea that our minds are naturally made up of multiple parts, and there are no bad parts.
The Core Goal of IFS
Instead of trying to silence your anxiety, get rid of your inner critic, or force yourself to "just get over" old habits, the overarching goal of IFS is to help you restore internal harmony.
Beneath all of our protective walls and reactive habits lies your core Self. Your Self is naturally calm, curious, compassionate, and confident. The goal of our work together is not to change who you are, but to help you unburden your wounded parts, soothe the parts of you working overtime in survival mode, and step into the compassionate leadership of your own Self.
The Journey In Session: The 6 "F" Stages
When we begin exploring your inner landscape in session, we typically move through a framework known as the 6 F's. This map guides us safely from everyday stress down to deep, lasting healing:
1. Find: We locate a specific part of you that is active right now—whether it’s a feeling of tightness in your chest, an overwhelming wave of anxiety, or a recurring thought pattern.
2. Focus: We gently turn your attention toward that part, noticing it and letting it know we see it.
3. Flesh out: We get to know its unique qualities. What does this part feel like in your body? What images, memories, or tones of voice does it carry?
4. Feel into it: We notice how you (your core Self) feel toward this part. Are you annoyed by it? Scared of it? Compassionate toward it? (This helps us see if another part has jumped in to judge it).
5. Befriend: Instead of fighting or trying to banish the part, we get curious about its positive intent. We ask what it is trying to protect you from and what burdens it has been carrying.
6. Fear: We ask the part what it is afraid would happen if it stopped doing its job. Understanding its fears allows us to gain its trust before attempting any deeper healing.
What Lies Beneath: Protection vs. Wounded Parts
As we navigate these steps, you will likely notice two main categories of internal experiences:
Parts of You in Survival (Protectors): These are the strategies, hyper-vigilant thoughts, or behaviors that work hard to keep you safe, organized, or emotionally numb so you don't have to feel overwhelmed. Even when they feel frustrating, they developed for a very good reason.
Wounded Parts (Exiles): Deep down, carrying old pain, fear, shame, or grief from earlier life experiences are younger, vulnerable parts of you that had to be locked away so you could function. Your survival parts work overtime to keep these wounded parts hidden from the rest of the world.
Healing happens when your protective parts feel safe enough to step back, allowing your compassionate Self to reach your wounded parts, offer them what they missed, and unburden them for good.
Exploring the Science: Is IFS Evidence-Based?
IFS is developing more robust evidence! Over the last couple of decades, IFS has grown from a clinical observation into a formally recognized, evidence-based practice (including a designation on SAMHSA’s National Registry of Evidence-based Programs and Practices). Research shows it helps significantly with trauma, anxiety, depression, and self-compassion.
You likely heard about the famous mind-body study you are thinking of: a landmark randomized controlled trial published in The Journal of Rheumatology that looked at women and men living with rheumatoid arthritis (RA). The study found that participants who went through an IFS-based intervention experienced significant reductions in physical pain, improvements in physical function, and a decrease in depressive symptoms, with benefits sustained even a year later.
If you want to read more about the clinical backing, you can explore these resources:
Ready to reach out now? Book a consultation now, or send a message to me!
About Therapy
What is therapy, you ask? The answer may differ depending on which therapist you ask. In another blog post, I will outline the general categories of therapy, and explain where I fit as a therapist, so that you have informed consent about what you are getting with my services versus another therapist’s service.
For now, though, I would love to give you a broad explanation about what I think the heart of therapy should be, and what ultimate problem it should solve for - regardless of the modality the practitioner uses.
To answer this question, I would love to give an example from one of the early books that I read in my Master’s program, called the Interpersonal Process of Psychotherapy by Edward Teyber.
Teyber opens with an example of an interaction between a new male client and a female therapist. The male client comes to therapy stating his main issue is his conflict-ridden relationship with his wife: “We are always fighting because she is always telling me what to do and bossing me around. I hate feeling like a kid around her all the time. What do you (therapist) think I should do about it?”
In this moment, the client is doing what we call reenacting the relational dynamic with his wife, with his new female therapist. He is not doing anything wrong, but likely doesn’t realize that he is unintentionally creating a scenario in which he is repeating with his new therapist the very pattern he is trying to stop with his wife.
In this moment, the female therapist is put into a bind—a unique position in which the two obvious solutions are lose-lose. On one hand, the male client is coming to therapy because he does need help. So if she doesn’t offer some sort of help, she is letting him down. On the other hand, if the female therapist does help him in the way he is setting her up for, by directly answering his question and telling him what to do, she will eventually become just like his wife in the dynamic—he will grow to resent her and feel infantilized and controlled by her.
To me, this is the crux of therapy:
(1) The therapist being able to see the bind that is unfolding.
(2) The therapist being able to name out loud to the client the no-win position they are in.
(3) The therapist being able to collaborate with the client on a new, different way forward, that allows the client to find a solution to his issue while stepping into his own agency—in a way that does not repeat the same pattern.
(4) The therapist helping the client practice new ways of relating both inside the session and out in the real world, shifting relational dynamics over time.
This really connects with what I shared on my About Me page. This is why I believe that, first and foremost, therapy is a co-creation process. That process should illuminate unhelpful ways the client is relating to others or themselves, collaborate on more helpful ways to solve the problem, and try to implement change outside of session. And of course, work through everything that comes up in the process of trying to implement that change.
Check out my other blog post for a more generalized explanation of the different types/approaches to therapy, and where I fit in.
Ready to reach out now? Book a consultation now, or send a message to me!
